Wednesday Stories

Never The Same

Today’s Wednesday Story is from my dear friend, Becky Squire. Becky is an amazing wife, mother, writer, speaker, cheesecake baker, piano player…and I could go on and on! I had the privilege of meeting Becky for the first time this past spring. Becky’s biggest passion is marriage. She is an advocate for developing a strong marriage. And don’t we all need a stronger marriage?

You can check out Becky’s website, read all her amazing blog posts, book her to speak at an event, and purchase her e-course on marriage:

Becky offers four amazing e-courses on Marriage, Motherhood, and Me. She brings the gospel perspective into strengthening our individual divine potential as we strive to become better wives and mothers. You can check them out here.

I was able to meet Becky this past spring at a Lift event put on by our friend Kay {IG @aworldwidesisterhood }. I’m so grateful for opportunities all around us to reach out and meet new people. Becky has changed my life for good. She is definitely someone you want to follow! You can find her on IG @beckysquire.

And one way Becky and I connect on a deeper level is miscarriage. And not just that, but we both have had more than one D&C. Becky wrote an article that shared her tender experience with her first miscarriage. I will share a portion of her article and link you to the article to read it in it’s entirety.

I never knew I would have a miscarriage.

I never knew when I went to my routine 12-week appointment, I would be forever changed.  I never knew how common miscarriages are.  Twenty-five percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.  One in four women has had a miscarriage.  Someone you love has had a miscarriage.  And suddenly, that statistic became me.

I never knew that at 11 weeks, my baby’s heart would stop beating.  At 11 weeks, the baby is almost 2 inches tall.  Still so tiny yet it is almost fully formed.  And it’s already moving its tiny arms and legs.  And it has fingernails.  And at 10 weeks, mine still had a beating heart.

I never knew that in many cases, the body won’t recognize a miscarriage, leading to continued pregnancy sickness, weight gain, sickness, pregnancy hormones, and, oh yes, sickness.  I never knew I could have a still fetus inside me and yet feel so incredibly empty.

I never knew that a D&C (dilation & curettage or evacuation) could be so awful.  The actual procedure went as expected, but when you wake up everything once inside you is gone.  No closure.  You simply pack up and go home.  And you can’t help but think, ‘What if they had checked the ultrasound one more time?  Would they have seen a tiny beating heart?’  You know the answer, but can’t help wondering.

I never knew that less than one percent of women who get a D&C have to have a second one.  I guess I like to beat the odds.

I never knew that after it’s all said and done, your hormones would be more of a roller-coaster than when you were actually pregnant. I didn’t feel like the same person.

I never knew that I would never stop wondering why it died.  Why why why?  Apparently, most miscarriages that occur before 12 weeks most likely had chromosomal abnormalities.  This means the egg or sperm had the wrong number of chromosomes and cannot develop normally.  I never liked that explanation.  It’s too scientific.

I never knew that not one day would go by that I didn’t think about that baby.  And according to my mom, even 30 plus years after a miscarriage, you’ll still think about it  Will the baby be mine?

I never knew any of this. I never knew how something so tiny and that had not been around for very long could make my heart hurt so much. I never knew that the thought of a simple ultrasound could absolutely terrify me.  The image of a still baby with no heartbeat is literally etched in my mind and I see it every time I close my eyes….

In Becky’s full article, she shares how this experience brought her closer to the Savior. She also shares a tender poem that I know will bring much comfort to anyone who has gone through a miscarriage. It makes me cry every time I read it. Please click on the link to read her full article. Becky has a talent for words of hope and comfort.

I Never Knew About Miscarriage.

Miscarriage is such a tender topic. It is hard to put into words your feelings when you’ve never before felt such intense love for such a tiny little one, only to loose that little one without ever holding that sweet spirit. We only held them in our hearts.

I hope today that Becky’s words will help bring you comfort and give you a Reason to Hope, to keep going today. To hope that there will be good tomorrow, even if sorrow visits you, there will be good still to draw from.

Sharing the Good. Giving a Reason to Hope.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.