About Me, Family, infertility, miracles, miscarriage, Monday's Posts

A Reason To Hope

Hi friends! I am so excited to be back at writing and sharing on this blog. It brings me so much joy! I am excited to do things a little different on my blog, and hopefully you will enjoy the changes.

My main focus is going to be on the Wednesday Stories. I feel like the more we share and learn from each other, the more tools we have in our tool belt to get through this journey called … LIFE.

I am dropping down to one Monday story a month, and one Friday recipe. I can’t guarantee yet which Monday/Friday that will be on, but it will be on one of them!:)

I am really excited for this month’s theme -infertility awareness and infant loss. Awaiting Rainbows came to be because of my struggle with infertility. It has been a mostly long, lonely path. Oh how I wish I wouldn’t have been afraid to let people know of my struggle! But now, I am hoping that by sharing my story, and stories of other women who have or are going through infertility, that it might bring A REASON TO HOPE to another woman still on her journey of infertility.

And I am so excited to partner with Inspiring Dreams Apparel! https://www.dreaminspirershop.com/product-category/rainbowcollection/

Some of you may remember that together, Karen and I, are trying to help bring more awareness to infertility. It truly affects so many women. Here is a little snippet from Karen’s webpage:

“The shirts within this collection are creating a safe place to talk about the difficult things. They unite us as a community. Through wearing these shirts, we are saying that we are open to talking about what we’re going through or what we’ve been through. We are reaching out to help create a safe place where together we can bear one another’s burdens. Together we will lift each other. We will strengthen and support each other. Together we will sit with each others’ pain. We will let the light in, no matter how dark. And together we will help each other RISE.

So, yes, start the conversation. Let us help each other to see the strength within.

Through these infertility, miscarriage, and stillborn awareness tees we will reach out to each other and strengthen one another. Remember though, that it is about creating a safe place to talk, letting those who are struggling know that you are there for them if they want to share their story, not pressuring them into doing so. We all grieve in our own ways and in our own time.”

Karen is having a 15% off sale on all her Rainbow Collection tees! So head over there and grab one! For me, wearing these tees is a simple way that I can remember my little ones. Grieving can take a long time. It can surprise you when you least expect to be feeling that loss. And being about to grab one of these tees from my closet it just one more way to help me in my journey of missing my little ones.

And what is also great about purchasing one of these tees, $1 each is donated to O.U.R foundation and Hearts Knit Together, the charity I volunteer with. So you are supporting two great causes each time you make a purchase!

I am also SUPER excited for this month’s Wednesday Stories!!! It’s been hard to wait! I hope that you will subscribe to my website so that you won’t miss a single one!

So to start off, I just wanted to share a little more of my journey. If you have subscribed to the pop-up window and received my free eBook, then this story might be familiar.:) But I felt like this is the one I need to share. But first, a quote I shared in my eBook.

“One particularly hard day was right after I found out I would need a D&C in January 2008(it was that third miscarriage in a row while trying to have a successful pregnancy). First before we scheduled that, I tried taking this horrible medicine to get my body to do it on it’s own. It didn’t work. I was so incredibly sick for two days. The next day was Sunday. It was a fast Sunday at that. I told everyone I served with in church(I was serving in Young Women’s at that time) that I wasn’t coming. I just didn’t think I could come and not cry the whole time. But then shortly before church was about to start I felt like I needed to go. I KNEW I needed to go. I could either be sad at home alone or be sad at church. So I hurriedly got ready and we were only a little late.

As I sat through that beautiful meeting, it was so clear to me that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my sorrow. He was aware of my empty arms. He was giving me comfort, courage, and hope-to sustain and strengthen me through each step. I cried that day-a lot. But I also received comfort, not only from Him, but through hugs from dear friends who knew of my sorrow.”

I firmly believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ will give us the strength we need to make it through our time in the furnace of affliction. I still vividly remember that Sunday. I remember walking in late. I remember exactly who I sat by. I remember the hug that woman gave me as I sat next to her. I remember the hugs in the hall. And I remember the hearts on my door from my young women, who didn’t know why I was missing a few weeknight activities, but who showed me love without question. This D&C didn’t actually go well. I was so sick for two months, then I got pneumonia on top of that. And because the recovery took so long, it was a daily reminder of what I lost. And it was winter. And I was sick. And I was so very sad. Yet I had to keep going. I had three kids already. It was my husband’s busiest time of year. I’m sure as a family we were barely functioning. But somehow spring came. And a new pregnancy happened. And the next winter wasn’t so cold. Wasn’t so lonely.

Taylor, rainbow baby #4

I know that going to church isn’t always easy. For someone like me who tried most of her life not to talk to anyone, sometimes church is overwhelming. Sometimes Satan tries to tell us we aren’t worthy of being in church. Church won’t help. We don’t fit in. HE IS DEAD WRONG! Because Heavenly Father LOVES us ALWAYS and with an EVERLASTING love.

We aren’t meant to make it through life alone. We aren’t meant to make it through this life in perfection. We are all imperfect! Just because some of us “look” like nothing is wrong on the outside, doesn’t mean life on the inside isn’t sometimes falling apart. I hope that church will get to the place where judgements are left at the door. That church can be a place where we are all seeking and allowing others to also seek healing in that beautiful building set apart for feeling the Spirit of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through the Holy Ghost.

If church isn’t your thing right now, I hope that you will find some place quiet where Heavenly Father can talk to you, remind you that he loves you with an everlasting love. That He loves you, knows your sorrows, knows your struggles. Sometimes we need that more than once a week. We need that daily. Sometimes that quiet place might be your bathroom. I have said a LOT of prayers in my bathroom.

Speaking of prayers in my bathroom, there was one day, everyone was gone for the day either at school or work. I was pregnant with my 16th pregnancy. This particular day was the exact day my 15th pregnancy little one passed away in my tummy. And as this realization hit me, I was overcome with sorrow, with worry. I sank to my knees in prayer, pleading for this baby I was carrying. Pleading that this baby would make it. I prayed that I knew that Heavenly Father could move mountains. Please could he move this mountain and let me keep this baby. I prayed and cried for a while. And then I got up. And I took that step of faith to trust. I didn’t know for sure if my mountain would be moved or if I was going to have to climb another one. But for that day, I received a measure of peace to keep going. And my 16th pregnancy baby is now 2 years old.

Bathroom prayers are great.

Now I had many bathroom prayers of pleading for a pregnancy that didn’t remove my mountain, but this time it did. So I understand truly how it feels to have that mountain NOT removed. But I am eternally grateful that in that case it was.

So today, I pray that in this blog post, you will have found a reason to hope. That is my new focus this year. We all need more HOPE in our lives, for we are all climbing mountains.

I am known. I have a reason to hope.

Much love!


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